In June 2007, in order to help a colleague who had been plagued by kidney stones for many years, we decided to do a trituration with him using one of his stones to see if this would help him. This is Norman from Northern California, referred to as N. The substance triturated was Calcarea oxalatum renalis. The stone itself was analyzed in a laboratory and found to contain primarily calcium oxalate monohydrate 93% (CaC2O4H2O), with a few parts bipyramidal calcium oxalate dihydrate 3% (CaC2O42H2O), and the balance calcium phosphate (carbonate form).
“I have passed several kidney stones since 1983; indeed, I would say ‘I have passed more than my fair share.’ Each time I have responded reasonably well to the acute simillimum which was prescribed. Believe me; I was grateful for the acute homeopathic interventions. Once or twice it was nothing short of a miracle, the rapid expulsion of the stone after taking the remedy. However, with their episodic re-occurrences, I became disappointed with myself and with homeopathic treatment in resolving this condition. In the midst of an episode, I would query myself and the universe, ‘Why is this happening?’
‘Why is this happening to me?’ is an indication that this person needs a remedy from the higher levels of trituration.
In the latter part of 2006, while I was in the midst of passing another stone, the idea came to me that perhaps this kidney stone, ‘which felt like I was giving birth to it’ could be a healing substance; a remedy for me, and perhaps others who resonate with an underlying susceptibility for kidney stones. It is known that other homeopaths have used blood, breast milk or other self-made body products to help heal their patients. I popped off an email to my homeopath, Alize Timmerman, to get her response to this idea. She found the notion intriguing, and she encouraged me to do a trituration proving of the kidney stone with some of my colleagues to pursue the healing information from the stone.
“Perhaps it is part of the state associated with the production of kidney stones, but after the acute event was over and the pain faded from recent memory, it was, so to speak, ‘out of state, out of the mind.’ Thus the idea of the trituration proving of kidney stone sat dormant for a several months while I attended to other commitments in my life, personal and professional, continuing to focus on the multitude of responsibilities which I felt were dutifully mine. Then in spring of 2007 another kidney stone demanded release! After the passage of this stone, the shortest interval yet between stones, I was committed to participating in a trituration proving of my kidney stone.”
Alize Timmerman Reports:
During N’s last consultation, he complained of a kidney stone in the left kidney. It was very painful and exhausting. He feels fragile and tired with the kidney stone. He feels a big need for support with this episode. Many anxieties are coming up. He has an intense need for support. After the previous stone left, a deep and long sleep was needed. A big headache accompanied that stone.
He was also complaining about feeling abused by his daughter; in that he was paying a lot of support for his daughter, paying for her college education including her current year abroad in Europe. He was hurt, that there was not good communication between her and him. She had not responded to emails or phone calls for months. He felt angry and neglected about that. This had been going on for awhile, even after sending her presents, he never heard from her. “What kind of daughter. . . ,” he complained to me. There was a strong feeling of injustice; he felt treated unfairly. He did not feel acknowledged by her or by her mother. While it was difficult, he always supported them financially. Now he felt he was lacking respect and acknowledgement for his support. He needed to work hard and keep up his duties to support them well enough financially. Periodically he would produce kidney stones.
I took the symptoms:
Complaining (oxalate) about money (calcium)
Duty to the family (calcium)
Lack of support (calcium)
Feeling no part of the family he is supporting (oxalate).
Lack of respect (calcium)
These symptoms clearly bring you to the remedy Calcarea oxalica (Calcium oxalate) which I prescribed in a 1M potency.
Later when he called me with yet another stone, I felt the patient needed a good container for going through all the physical pains, and for healing and insights into his long standing physical condition, I was very pleased at that time to advise him to do this trituration. I felt the trituration would bring him through the different levels of suffering, suffering through the physical realm, through the emotional realm, and bringing peace in the more spiritual realms. I hoped that this would cure him and finally bring relief to his kidneys.
“We began this trituration with a group of two men and two women. We only had time to triturate to the third level and did not have an official follow-up meeting. We did exchange notes via phone and email following the trituration. This was a very focused event because we all knew the substance and the intended purpose of this trituration. Everything that was said was specific to the topic and the substance – nothing frivolous arose. It was very serious, we were doing a job – that may have been partly the circumstances as well as part of the remedy picture.
“The trituration proving was a powerful experience for me; quite personal and intimate, having produced the substance from within my own being. However, it was even more powerful to experience the remedy state collegially; within the trituration healing field. For in doing so, that which had previously seemed a matter of course, perhaps indefinable from my own selfhood, transformed within the proving group from personal experience into common voice and remedy state expression. And in this profoundly human, yet non- personal expression of ‘remedy state, there was access to a new, clearer, freer, inner state accompanied by a profound relief. I gained a new level of health and freedom of being. Metaphorically it was like removing the shackle from a slave, or being released from a perpetual vow. The past which binds falling away. Truly it is ok to be, here and now!”
Calcium oxalatum renalis – N’s Kidney Stone Trituration
The objective of this trituration for was to resonate with what his kidney stones were telling him.
First Round of Trituration (C1):
N: This is the most intimate trituration, I have ever done… (feeling…we are doing a substance born out of my own body, with my close colleagues). I had wondered how long it would take for the stones to break up in the mortar under the pressure of the pestle. I feel much relief that this went so easy. The stones were surprisingly soft; they almost burst across the bowl. Like the stages of passing a stone, I had imagined that it might takes up to 6 hours to pulverize the stone for us to begin the trituration, and I worried that this would be a hardship on the others participating in the trituration.
J: Upset when word ‘intimate’ is used; very uncomfortable. Grinding with the fingers of one hand, holding the pestle at the top. Methodical. Noticing the colors of the hydrangea; bougainvillea. Colors are bright. Noticing sharp, pokey things such as bougainvillea; earwig crawling on me.
N: Brief intense feeling of sadness washes over me. The stone is no longer recognizable in the mortar, blending with the milk sugar. Time for letting go, moving on.
Miscommunication. Hidden things. Talking about pregnancy and overuse of ultrasound, hurting fetus.
Getting flickering of black spot on L side. There’s an eye in my bowl.
A: Like this substance is about balls: footballs, baseballs, basketballs, (snickering sexual innuendo).
J: Feels very masculine to me.
D: Speaks about his sister’s ongoing divorce process and her adaptations.
N: Curious that D is talking about divorce. Certainly the pain of my first marriage is a component of the grief and hardship participating in the evolution of these kidney stones – these ‘balls’ that I release out through my genitals.
A: When did the stones first start?
N: 23 years ago; after my first child was born; during my first marriage. It was tough and unhappy times. In-laws were visiting, there was intergenerational stress and fighting going on. Sudden attack of intense pain; rolling around on floor of upstair’s bedroom; feeling alone, lots of arguing going on downstairs; not wanting to upset anyone; besides myself in pain. Then not again for 7 years, then approximately 6 years later (this one required a urologist -cystoscopic ‘basket’ retrieval); then maybe 5 years, now three in the past two years! Remedies used in the past included Berberis and Cantharis. Ocimum for the last three stones. Overall they helped acutely a lot. But why do I develop stones again and again?
I had years of hiding; holding in natural urges. Pain when passing stone is like giving birth. I have to be totally focused on passing the stone and have to surrender to it. I would break out in cold sweat; moaning; slamming dashboard with fists with the pain; bowels let loose, vomiting with the pain. Felt like a clearing afterward; a passing; a transition. Each experience is different. I handle the pain differently each time. Even while in pain I had to stay in control. The best laid plans wouldn’t work out and I’d have to take charge.
Cannot let go. In an impossible state. Solution is unreachable; hidden, even in plain sight (people 100 yards across from each other couldn’t see each other; unable to find the right office amidst all the other ones; corridors like a labyrinth).
Have to be superhuman in state of passing the stone. Perspiration soaked shirts. Last summer, the stone before the most recent, passing the stone felt like a distillation process.
Earlier in my life, there were many times in social situations, where I felt a sense of being invisible in a room. There was safety in being invisible. Yet I had a strong sense of dissatisfaction that I didn’t or couldn’t connect with anyone. Later on it modulated to a state where, after being in social situations like parties, I would come home bummed, frustrated. Feeling of social interactions being not real and not a deep enough of a connection at parties.
“I’m attached.” (Powder in his bowl wouldn’t come out of the bowl. Like the porcelain had all been rubbed away and the sides were sticky. No one else had this trouble).
Perhaps I compensated for this lack of connection in High School. I became the chairman of the social committee and I would organize the dance events, hire the band, chose the dates, etc. I did not feel any anxiety at those events doing those activities and I even got an award for my efforts upon graduating from school.
A: Was it about being influenced by the perception of others? By others’ possibly judging you?
N: Not sure. I probably would be anxious unless I was in charge of events. Ok if had something to do. My role was defined. Work has always been important vehicle for me. It brought connection.
A: I’m feeling stoned. (We started to laugh and A didn’t get why we were laughing; didn’t get her own pun).
N: Can’t have joy without suffering. Brought up Catholic. Military school. So passing stones and getting value makes sense. “I can’t let go; I have to be the responsible one.” Solution is not reachable. “Not being able to come out.” (The stone on one level; his being gay on another.)
Second Round of Trituration (C2):
J: Hard to grind; desire to stare; space out. Notice I’m holding the bowl like a baby; tender; cradling the bowl.
N: Did it by myself; passing the first stone. Didn’t want to disturb the others. Had a demanding daughter and dysfunctional in-laws and wife. They were always fighting; then would buy off their daughter’s love with money. Labor with daughter was 36 hours of getting yelled at. Wife was in a Medusa state, it was hell.
I feel a tension headache on the top of my head, like hitting the ceiling with my head. Right ankle is stiff, I cannot move freely. After using the toilet just now, urine has an unusual greenish tinge to it. Body feels warm. It is heating me up. The thought occurs to me, this is a feeling of being distilled, the stone is being transformed through distillation.
The mission has to be accomplished. Personal stuff gets stuffed. Like the kid walking along the dyke and you see a leak, so you put your finger in it to stop the leak, but another leak erupts. You do what you can to plug the holes. But more and more leaks break out.
A: You’re given a task which is just too big. You take it on because it seems like it’s your job and you don’t even question it or think about it. And the weight and pressure keep increasing. What is behind it? You could get sad about it but… you just keep soldiering on. Don’t show the pressure or the burden.
It’s unfair; it’s not right. It’s a terrible feeling. I am getting pissed off. It just sucks. This state is shit.
You’re competent but a part is always held back to deal with the inevitable crap that comes up. 100% of you is never available; you’re always holding something in reserve -like the stones are held in the kidney in reserve.
N: You strive to be conscious; you’re doing the best you can; why is there yet another stone? My thoughts are that these stones were formed a long time ago; but still, why are they not gone with the change in my state? Is it a question of holding on versus letting go? What do you keep and what do you leave behind? All lessons not necessarily learned at the time of an event; further lessons occur from review and re-experiencing from the perspective of one’s more current life experience.
A feeling of being on call 24/7. Every time I got a stone I dropped something in order to balance my life better. I recall; two stones ago, the process felt like a distillation process for me. My body felt like a furnace. I soaked all my clothes. It felt like I was turning a solid into a gas. Dispersing the substance; not required to remain in a solid state to be released.
J: explains the process of distillation; fractionating, clarifying, purifying the substance.
A: Then perhaps, distillation is not the right word. Perhaps it is more of an alchemical than chemical process that we are seeking, experiencing! Like an irritation in an oyster; producing a pearl.
Most stones were on right; the one that’s left is on left side.
N: I was a breech birth. Have a stiff neck; stiff from birth. They said I was allergic to mom’s milk. Failure to thrive till put on soy formula. (Or was milk toxic and he was right to refuse it?) Disappointing to be a child and you’re dependent and they’re not doing a good job and they think they are. (Suppressed anger so deep it’s not really known). It is wrong to get mad at your mother.
It all has to come out: tearing, sweating, vomiting, diarrhea, peeing. N. has had to leave to pee a lot during the process.
Down, deep, hidden. Totally oblivious to state of the kidney. “Down the tubes.” Like being invisible at the group gatherings.
Third Round of Trituration (C3):
N. and A .find their neck pain and headache better. Runny nose.
N. tells Sufi story of souls in heaven waiting to incarnate on this earth. They are awaiting with anticipation their departure to earth, yet there is a hesitation to leave heaven. There is such bliss in heaven, being in the awareness of God’s presence; so souls are reluctant to go into human life with its limitations and constrictions. So to overcome this reluctance, God has the angels play music. The music is so sublime, the souls lose themselves in the music and follow the music. In this process, the soul enters like a slide and once you are on it, the pathway is irreversible; you are on the slide of incarnation, you enter a womb.
You, as one of the souls streaming; coming down to the earth plane, are attracted to the souls which are going back to heaven. It is an attraction on the level of light; light beings attracted to light beings. Those who have finished a life experience on the earth plane are streaming up, while those in the process of descent are streaming down. For most, this descent involves multiple light contacts; ancestral connections on the plane of light. The process of reincarnation is explained in this way; if however, in your descent into manifestation, you are particularly attracted to one being, lingering in resonance with this one being, then the soul impression of that ascending being is fully absorbed, so upon your birth into the earth plane, you are recognized as a being so very similar to the one who has passed on that it is said you are the reincarnation. To reiterate, most of us are attracted to several light beings and absorb experience and data and impressions from each of them which contribute towards our own uniqueness. In this story, the Sufis blend their insights that each being is unique; and yet how the possibilities of reincarnation occur; and how each soul in the incarnating process is influenced by the beings they are drawn to, including their qualities and soul experience.
A: So you take on this invisible loyalty. It’s a compulsion; not a choice.
N: I went to Calcutta to help Mother Theresa with the dying in 1981.
Her only instruction to me was “Go and provide succor to those who are in need.”
A: Whatever comes along, you do. You do whatever you can do, whether it’s enough or not. So the solution is to just do. Don’t take it to extreme places. You don’t have to be Mother Theresa to be ok. You don’t have to be in a problematic relationship with this stuff. The work – work is an important word. Throw out the judgment and just be. Just do.
N: Got Sulphur (or on reflection was it Alumina?) in Delhi from homeopathic doctor. I had this very sensory experience while walking back from the case taking and taking the remedy. I was in the Basti area of old Delhi. It was evening time. The sounds of the community surrounded me, babies crying, old people coughing, sounds of meal preparations. I realized that people had been walking the same cobblestone street for thousands of years. As I walked, I felt like I was activating, being empowered. Active and present in my own body as if for the very first time.
A: Like the substance says, just “to be”. It’s not complicated at all. Similar to the message found in Sulph in C4: “Not a whole lot more to be done; or to be changed.” Perhaps Sulph C4 would complete this state?
Post Trituration notes:
J: In BIG frustration with new TV controller and cable box which was not working, which husband could easily work but not convey the workings to me. I deliberately threw the controller against the wall and broke it. Husband and son said this was atypical for me, to throw and break something. (Getting mad at technology is not new but I don’t like breaking things). Son said he saw me think about throwing it before doing it so he knew it wasn’t an uncontrollable impulse. This came at the end of a long day of things not quite working well. Also, had stepped on big roofing nail in afternoon; went through sandal and into foot. So I had taken Ledum before TV problem. But it could be the trituration so I’m mentioning it. I have been bothered by being poked, stung, prickled, bitten, etc. for past month or two.
The next day, I awoke with a dream: was with two other people. We were rehearsing a play in a gym or similar church basement type place. A short play/scene but I wanted to do a good job. It was just supposed to be for class or something then we got word that we were to perform it—that night. Still hadn’t memorized my lines. I had a couple of lengthy speeches in very stilted English; not Shakespeare but close. We kept getting interrupted whenever it came time for me to read and practice my part. Frustrating. Getting anxious because I wasn’t getting it; couldn’t read the words or had to do other things for other people. Wanting and needing to help others who were incompetent or incapable, but then I was not getting my own part done. And the play deadline was approaching and I had no idea of what the play was even about. Hadn’t even gotten to read the whole thing.
Got hit this morning with allergy attack. Running faucet nose, sneezing. Left side feels like it has a poking piece of pollen or dust in it and cannot get it out. My usual allergy symptoms but I haven’t had them for a couple of years now except for sporadic outbreaks. Lasted all day. Headache, face pain; stuffed nose and running nose. Feel like crap and have all this stuff to do.
Two weeks after this trituration I got the instruction from Alize Timmerman: Take the powder from the C2 and potentize it to 12C. Take this daily for one week.
Notes during the succussion process:
Felt anxiety in my body. Feels like my mother’s shadow; strong; waves of anxiety, like emerging underlying anxiety, felt episodically in my life in the past, questions of will I do this right? Am I succussing correctly? What if my count is off? Tight neck, sore stomach, mild urge to stool, recognize pattern of keeping busy to balance the nervous energy-anxiety in my body.
Memories flood me of a molestation event that occurred when I was in third grade (10 years old), summer time with an older teenage neighbor. Memories of what actually occurred have been kept at bay. During the succussing I find myself remembering more, particularly remember dialogue such as, “I did ask you and you wanted me to play with you remember?” Recalling earlier initial conversation, “Do you want me to play with you?” In touch with the manipulation aspect for the first time; feeling powerless, fearful, honoring your word, fulfilling a commitment, excited, aroused, confused. Why did I never tell my parents about this? Is this the seed experience of over-committing in relational states?
Strong feeling while succussing to really hit the bottle hard on the table at times and at other times into my palm creating a red spot. Stigmata?
Concerns about maintaining the order, succussing, recording, pouring out 9/10, am I maintaining the correct flow of things? Will there be ramifications if I do not do it exactly the right way?
So tired of my skin being so itchy… especially thighs, abdomen.
Where does this anxiety reside when I am not aware of it? Where is the time going? Seems to me, like it is taking me twice as long, than usual to get ready for going to a birthday party.
C-4 Trituration of Calcarea oxalatum renalis
N. took powder from the third trituration and did a fourth round by himself on Easter Sunday, March 31, 2008.
As I begin the grinding process, I flash on a weird sexual dream that I had last night, with the words, “He never knew what hit him.”
Feelings of sadness and restlessness arise from within
Physicals- ache in my arms and my neck, tight! Neck is getting a kink!
I must do this; can I really do this? I am getting stronger through the process of doing this!
Allow the purge!
This process is about centering, grinding, centering, finding the center.
After adding the second portion of lactose:
Grinding, rings in the clarity, ringing, ringing.
AUTHENTICITY; diving into one’s authenticity
Cleaning away the dark, dirty, shameful environs
Cloudy feelings around being fully embodied, entering in the body with sexuality
Clarifying that which is imposed from the outside on the inner in contrast to that which is initiated from the inside and expressing naturally outwardly.
Even the mortar and pestle are sexualized objects! Inserter….insertee
Calcium: grinding the substance, forming the structure, the vessel.
Oxalatum: the flavor of the process, the bumpy road, the hard times, the difficult path, the chosen way, a path to liberation.
Physicals – ears burning Color RED, belching, belching, tears come to the eyes, a few; back clenched tight!
Losing your way – Panic – losing yourself- losing the notion of your self – LOSER!
Reaction – holding too tight, tightly, holding on, holding, old-ing, oldening, hardening, hard, harder, HARDER; too hard, it’s too hard! Stone! (as in kidney stone).
After adding the third portion of lactose:
Try softer, softer, softly, gliding, drifting, gliding, smooth, with not through it, smoother, towards ease, away from disease, toward EASE, smoother and smoother.
What about suffering? The Perfect Ganesh(a).
Crucible – transforming – move on, not bold on, go with the flow!
Kidney stone—an obstacle in the flow, FLOW; an initiation to go with the flow!
Flow is not the treadmill.
Flow accommodates inflow and outflow.
Go with the Flow!
Alize Timmerman Comments:
After giving N. the Calcarea oxalatum at 1M, I wanted him to have a very physical experience from the C1 or C2 level, in order to regress him to the state before the stones were formed. In this way, a trituration experience can be a form of regression therapy, allowing the patient to clear deep psychological states.
The remedy from this kidney stone seems to say, “I am the crystallization of everything that was ever done unfairly to you. You carry me deep inside and don’t show me, except with extreme pain.”
Several months after this trituration, we met another homeopath who had a cousin, S., with chronic kidney stones who was passing them regularly. As she and I talked about the case, I asked her questions based on our trituration experience. This cousin personified our trituration. I asked very pointed questions, such as does he have an issue with unfairness? Everything I asked her confirmed our trituration information. She gave him a 12C from the 3rd round and he passed stones for two days fairly easily, with some pain but not excruciating.
We gathered a few months later to do the trituration of this young man’s kidney stone. Although the kidney stone remedy from our trituration had helped him, it had not cured. We wanted to see if triturating his own kidney stone would give him more permanent relief. We were also curious to see if there would be any overlap in the themes between the two. We had a group of 7 people: two males, five females; four people were not homeopaths.
After four rounds of trituration, we had a sense of the essence of his kidney stone; it seems to be: “He breaks everything up into small pieces so that he does not have to see the whole picture of his life all at once. It would overwhelm him.” (An interesting aside is that this man also has brittle bone syndrome). In his situation, he has also had multiple unfair situations that he has had to soldier through and his attitude is also one of just taking it and carrying on. He was relating a story of a severely dysfunctional father, a life-long drug addict by choice, and did not express any anger about his situation.
We made a C40 potency from the fourth round of powder, and put one of the medicated pellets in water for him to take several drops daily.
The following is a report from his aunt, about four weeks post-trituration:
“S. says the first 3 days after starting the remedy he slept really well and deeply. Poor sleep is a lifelong problem for him. Then he started passing a stone and when I realized it a few days later I told him to stop the remedy till the stone passed. He stopped the remedy for 4-7 days (I am not sure how long) and then restarted it. I then went back East for almost two weeks and when he picked me up he seemed very different, more serious and independent and less vulnerable and attached. He said, ‘I feel like I woke up after a long dream.’ He said he felt like when he was in high school again and had motivation and energy. He said he was cutting back on marijuana (medical marijuana which he uses for chronic pain) because he did not want to lie around and have life pass him by. He said he was planning to move to Sacramento with his friends. I said that was fine with me and asked how it is with his girlfriend (E. who is 43) and he said that he has found they have different goals and he does not think they will continue together. Then over the next five days I worked continuously catching up from my trip and when I called S. on Sunday and asked him to come home to help me with a mess he had left, he became very angry and stated he was moving out right away. He then did so and did not talk to me for a week. He has come by once and talked to me this week, and I again asked him to write down all his responses to the remedy and I will send the information to you. (I have been after him since the remedy was made and he has been stalling). I hope he will do so, as I can no longer monitor him.
“I think the remedy has made a huge difference to him and we will have to see if it also helps his kidney stones.”